Silence; nothing is so quiet while being so loud at the same time. Never have I experienced something so contradicting, so powerful, yet so painful. Even alone in a quiet room there is more exchanged then the silence felt between two hearts no longer beating as one. Alone in the quiet of the room, my heart beats, the wind gently sways and my mind wanders; but with just the passing glance, all else stops, no breaths drawn, no blood pumped, the world through my eyes ceases to exist in any form other than hers.
In the quiet wandering of my mind, I’m drawn into the past, able to explore the world through my young eyes. Catching glimpse’s of her running through the park, calling for me to follow. Playing in the hollow of the woods, imaginations engulfing us; everything transformed. Down by the water’s edge watching the fish swimming without a care, whispering in each other’s ear of how many we could catch, bragging before even beginning. Walking alone without a care, just enjoying each other’s company; time to leave this wonderful place, and there she is, standing on the rock wall with her younger sisters, waving as we drive off, anxious to do it all again tomorrow.
Even in memories there is pain, but this pain still lives through into my reality, for that young girl was not seen the next day, nor the years following each time the Fun Fly occurred. The most majestic of places is now a memory full of dread to remain nothing more than a reminder of peaceful days gone by never to be repeated. She was the one person who was ever truly allowed to enter, to see the real me for who I am and all that I could be. Now that place has been lost, locked away with the rest of the memories too painful to be seen. Try as I may to gain some portion of that place back, it fails, bringing nothing but further pain, even hatred from the darkest depths of my being.