A single father, a deadbeat, scum of the earth, useless, hated. I could go on, but I won’t, there’s no need to at this point. I can already tell your mind is quickly filling in the blanks that I’ve left out with that quick list of words. There’s no use in denying it, we all know what they are being used for. Go on, take a minute if it helps and continue that list, add to it, modify it, or just completely forget about it. The fact is, I am a single father, yet only one of those words that I’ve listed, go ahead and re-read them if you need to, applies to me. But I won’t tell you which it is, I’ll let you find out all on your own. No, this isn’t some mind game that I’m trying to play with you. It’s an entirely simple thing really for you to figure out, never having previously met me. Well, if you have, then your list of words is very long, very conflicting and probably the same level of weirdness as mine. But only one word listed, just one will apply to me. Oh, alright. If you must know, the one word that does describe me, is hated. There, we now all know something truly accurate about me. I don’t deny being hated. In fact, I fully embrace it some days more than others. Yes, I am a single father who is hated by someone so profoundly that I laugh about it now. This time you get no hints, lead ins, or any run around about who hates me or why. That all comes later as you venture through my world as a father.
I am known as “daddy” to one amazingly adorable little girl. Yes, I am fully aware that every father says the same thing about his child at one point or another and that over time, it can and does get annoying. But I don’t care! To me, she is pretty much everything that matters in my world, save for some room for bacon. Hey, my man card would be taken away if there wasn’t room for bacon, even just the thinnest sliver of possibility, so its there. And I’m hopefully optimistically certain that she would agree with me on that one. But she’s only 2 and is still exploring her world trying to take it all in as fast as possible. I’ve mentioned that I’m a single father already, no? Well I am, and it has its up sides and down sides, but I go with the flow of things and deal accordingly as they change. I have to be that way, otherwise things would just fall apart. I wouldn’t gloat and say I’m the best father around, but I’m not the worst one either. I’m just a normal father that deals with normal fatherly issues, but with a not so normal twist.
That twist you ask? Well, its a pretty hefty one. I’m only able to see my daughter twice a month, on the first and third Saturdays. There’s no need to go into the details as of why things are this way, just that they are. If that doesn’t catch your eye and make you think, then this surely will: I also happen to live 300 miles away from my daughter. Now right there, many of you are probably rolling your eyes saying that the obvious reason for twice monthly visits is the distance factor. I’ll put your mind to ease and tell you straight, its not. I’ve not missed but one Saturday with my daughter and that was due to a major blizzard that rolled in the day prior. And yes, I have driven through two other major storms to make it back to work the following Monday, but this storm felt wrong. I’m all for seeing my daughter every chance I get, but I’m not for letting it be the last time either if you know what I mean. I make the 1200 mile total round-trip drive each month to spend two full Saturdays with her and I don’t plan on making that number go down. In fact, I hope to be able to increase the amount of time spent with her, but that’s a thought for another day.
So if you’ve read this far, you probably already fully understand the reasoning behind the naming of this blog. I ramble. I’m a father. And this? Well, this is the silence written out between visits with a daughter…