A Fathers Letter

My darling daughter,

     I hope when you are older, that you will look back on your life with little regret. You will undoubtedly have at least one in your lifetime. I too have regrets that you will come to learn of over the years, but for me they were a learning experience. Some regrets will hurt more than others, take longer to sort through, and drain you to your very core. How do I know of this? Simply because I have been there before. It is not a nice place to be, but in time after, you will learn that it was a necessary evil to be faced.

     Your heart will have hit rock bottoms you could never have imagined existing, but those scars will heal in time. The memories that caused them will be lost as well given you do not dwell on them longer than need be. I have seen it already in you, that you are to be a strong woman, regrettably though with many a broken heart along the way. It is what you do during and after your heart breaks that matters most in life.

     I simply ask that, when you give your heart to someone you trust, you do so in whole. When they give you theirs, you treat it as though it was glass, and that the slightest breeze may shatter it. Others may not be so kind to yours, but it will be better in the end, that you were with theirs.

     Lord Alfred Tennyson once wrote that, “it is better to have loved, and have lost, than to have never loved at all.” While that may be true, to have known anothers love, I think better yet, is the person who has known love, embraced it, and won.

     Whatever you do in life, I simply wish for you to give it your all, and not an ounce less.

Your loving father.

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Daddy, No Cry

Solid as a rock she sees him to be, always going strong. He won’t stumble, keeping his footing when the world shakes. Carrying the massive weight on his back, he is still flexible, dodging the punches. No tears seen by the little girl when he picks her up. Just a softer voice when he drops her off. He’s her solid rock, the only side she’s known.

His little girl sees him as a giant of a man. The one left standing after it all will be him, nothing can bring him down. Little girl, you have much to learn about this man of stone. Look closely my dear and notice all these cracks running about. Made not by man, but from the tears that fall at the many thoughts of you. Days with you my dear, bring a smile to my broken heart.

Choking back the tears each night as I sit by this lonely light, the page beneath my pen is hard to see. Harder to see than the taillights I follow from your home. Should I loose control then, least the airbag will catch me as I fall. By this light it hits me, no one to catch me as I fall further down. After all these years of fears, I’ve not seen the bottom, forever drifting. Left with the memories illuminated by a lonely light.

Arms wrapped ’round my neck, feels like I’m choking. Not from you dear, but on the fear and tears. Whisper, “I love you” without bursting. Pull myself together, wonder if you see through it all. Hide the tears not to strip emotions from myself, but to keep you from worry. A smile is all I want to see from you. Our time is short together, spend it carefree, enjoying everything around yourself.

One day my dear, you will read all I have written. These writings you will read come from a place that no one else has dared to venture. It is my hope that you learn of the man your dad really is and was. Maybe then all those questions and all your wondering will be put to rest. The world will tell you hundreds of stories about me, but many will be lies. No matter where life takes us, you will forever be my girl.

My little two year-old, who looked upon the stone, hugged him and said, “No cry daddy, no cry”.

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Nothing To Fear

She looks up at me
With eyes so sweet
Can’t believe I’m there
Her own daddy

Whisper softly in her ear
How much she means to me
Couldn’t really care
Too busy focused in a stare

Looks me in the eyes
Semi-hypnotized
Can it really be
That she has me

Take her into my arms
Swing her all around
Move to the sound of the song
Try to sing-along

Rock her back and forth
Comfort in the force
As she falls asleep
Knows it will keep

Safe from all harm
In her daddy’s strong arms
Kiss her on the cheek
Won’t completely fall asleep

Rock her in my arms
Slowly to the beat
Of an old Celtic song
As I softly sing-along

Takes comfort in my voice
As we move to the song
Every now and then
I’ll whisper to the end

Near the bottom of her ear
Daddy’s here, you’ve nothing to fear

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Wonders of Technology

My daughter was able to enjoy a wonderful visit this past weekend. We enjoyed each others company watching movies as well as cuddling together for parts of them. What made her day truly special was being able to talk with her eldest sister. A simple phone call didn’t seem as it would be satisfying enough for her, so I did the geek thing.

I setup a video chat so the two girls could see and talk to each other. While there were some technical issues, both girls had giant smiles on their faces. This of course made my day even better! Sometimes just being able to spend 30 minutes on video chat with her is all it takes to make the day better and brighter.

I think this will become part of our routine, video chatting with each other and with her eldest sister.

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A Generational Gift

With an overactive imagination and having watched The Nutcracker (2010), I’ve decided to start something that is still very much in the planning stages. This project will be an inclusion of all the skills I have acquired over the years, and put them to the ultimate test. A test that will be decided pass or fail by one intensely picky young girl.

Instead of spending upwards of hundreds of dollars on kits, plans or pre-built versions, I got the idea to create one myself. What I’m planning on designing and eventually building, is a doll house. Of course being the crazed geek I am, said house will be designed to code as though it is to be lived in. It will have working lights with switches, all run from a battery based source. The idea is to not only design, but to build something that will last for future generations to enjoy with as much wonder and splendor as the first recipient.

Being in the initial stages of imagined models and sectional parts, nothing has yet to hit paper. The great thing about being a CAD drafter is that everything thought up so far is already being done as though I were drafting it. This makes for an easier way to transfer the ideas from imagination to paper; the majority of the hard work has already been completed.

So as the ideas become more concrete and end up on paper, the sooner they’ll turn a dream to reality…

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